MY WALK MONDAY

It's that time again where I link up with Scrapping Servant. Carolyn started this Meme. It is the very first Meme I ever participated in. It has become a highlight for the beginning of my week .

I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I have learned the secret of living in every situation. Philippians 4:11-12

This definitely is a powerful scripture. This is definitely something that the world does not teach nor believe in!

As I mentioned in last weeks post, when I usually put up a post for Monday and share my heart how God is changing me, transforming in different areas of my spiritual walk, SOMETIMES within minutes (SOMETIMES even as I am typing the post out) I'm hit with a WHAMMER..a test! A test in what I have just shared.

I have felt the Lord placing upon my heart to write about my marriage this Monday. I felt His nudge during the middle of last week.

Ok Lord. Yes, I will share. I will pour out my heart and let others know the changes that You have brought to our marriage, the changes that have started within me.

WHAM....

WHAMMER....

TEST...

I haven't even written the post yet.

Lord, what is going on here? Everything You want me to write about, all the wonderful things You have done in our marriage and now I have to deal with all these emotions, all these trials, all these 'issues' that I thought I had dealt with to find they are coming back again?

Be content with whatever I have.

On Friday I tried to have a heart to heart talk with Randy.

It did not go well. His flesh REFUSED to accept it.

I lay in bed that night dealing with my flesh. Thoughts of the old ways came flooding in.

Thoughts of the old Angie and her behavior to this situation.

Old Angie trying to get her point across.

Old Angie talking and talking and talking.

Getting angrier and angrier.

Start crying.

Start sobbing.

Get out of bed and go sleep on the couch.

Laying on the couch and crying and telling God...

"I'm done. I can't take this anymore. How much more do I have to put up with? Can't You see Randy is breaking my spirit. Can't You see how he is destroying this family with his behavior? I'm broken. This CAN'T be Your best that You have for me?"

Than thoughts would start up with how to get out of this situation. Get a divorce. Leave this man. Start a new life. Find someone else.

So God gave me this vision of the old Angie as I laid in bed on Friday.

Randy's back was toward me. He wasn't going to be talking. As far as he was concerned, there was nothing to talk about.

So I laid there.

I started to pray.

My Beloved is mine. And I am His. (Song of Songs).

I felt the Lord telling me to go to sleep. To rest in Him.

To wake up in the morning and NOT give hubby the cold shoulder. NOT make him 'pay', not remind him all over again the conversation I was having with him the night before.

Let go.

Let God.

I have learned the secret of living in every situation.

Since last week I have been bombarded with issues in my marriage.

Since last week I have had to deal with my thoughts and flesh. It's not a storm brewing, it IS a full blown storm within.

Count your blessings, name them one by one.

Philippians 4:8 it!

2 Corinthians 10:3-5.

Do it!

DO IT!

"Am I NOT in control?"

Yes Father.

"Do you NOT trust me?"

I believe Father, help me in my unbelief.

"Angela, I see your anxious heart."

"Will you go back to the point of slavery once again?"

Father, forgive me. sigh....Father, I'm afraid.

"Have I not commanded you Angela. Be strong and courageous. Do not be dismayed nor terrified. For I am the Lord your God. I will go with you wherever you go."

"Do not allow yourself to meditate upon foreboding thoughts. Premonitions of evil.Thoughts of 'what if'. STOP!"

"ENOUGH".

Father, thank You for never leaving me nor forsaking me to my flesh and thoughts that are truly not from You. Thank You for never giving up on me. Thank You for Your lavish patience. Thank You for Your extravagant love.Father, forgive me for walking by sight and not by faith. Forgive me for limiting You in our lives. Forgive me for trying to rush ahead and get things moving instead of resting in You and waiting patiently for You.Forgive me for fretting when I see Randy's behavior and allowing it to bring emotions of anger and wrath which leads to fretting , which leads to evil. Forgive me for not loving as You have called me to love, because love covers a MULTITUDE of sin. LORD, You have disciplined me severely, but You have not given me over to death. You have opened to me the gates of righteousness, that I may enter through them and give thanks to You LORD. Father God, this time of testing was not to harm me but for my good. For the saving of many lives. I will fear nor dread no evil for You are with us. Your rod and Your staff they comfort us. amen amen amen

I WILL not go back to the point of slavery. This journey in the desert is difficult. It is hot. It is dry. I'm blinded at times by the sand storms. I'm parched and I'm hungry.

Jesus Christ loved.

He loved, loved, loved.

When I was NOT deserving of love.

He LOVED.

I'm called to love.

Love believes the best.

Love forgives.

Love always hopes, always perseveres.

I'm not just writing here about human relationships.

I'm writing about my love for God.

Believing He has the best for my family and I.

Trusting in His will.

Walking in His forgiveness instead of condemnation.

Hoping in Him.

Persevering, EVEN when the flesh, even with thoughts are screaming, GIVE UP GIVE UP, DON'T HOPE, NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE...

This is truly a battle beloved one. A battle for our very souls. I refuse to be a weak kneed shoulder. I REFUSE to be a soldier that will run away from his duties. I refuse to allow the enemy to come and steal, kill and destroy my family and I.

Christ Jesus came to give us an abundant life.

I'm fighting this battle with the mind of Christ. Placing upon me the helmet of salvation. Who WE are in Christ Jesus. Who GOD our Father says we are!! I have the sword of the Spirit in my hand, and I'm telling ya, I cutting to pieces, I'm stabbing, cutting the throat of the enemy and destroying him and all his works. That sword is MIGHTY for it is the Word of God, alive and active, cutting to the bone and marrow!!

I'm not going to be sitting around wallowing and boo hooing and sliding into that pit of self pity. Allowing negative emotions (there are healthy emotions) and negative thoughts to take over my soul.

I pray that you will join me in this battle beloved one. You WILL get dirty. You WILL get bloodied. You WILL get hurt. It's a war! We don't have a desk job in this battle!!

Remember though, we are MORE than conquerors in Christ Jesus. We fight from a position of victory, NOT for victory!!

Thy Kingdom come Father God on earth as it is in Heaven.

amen amen amen

MY WALK MONDAY

http://www.freespirithaven.com/2009/07/my-walk-monday.html