Blessings everyone!
I've been very quiet these days haven't I?
Well my co workers would disagree.
I've been busy pitter pattering around the home these days.
Getting my craft room organized.
Putting up some Valentine decorations.
Simplifying.
Organizing.
Decluttering.
Randy had the entire back seat of his truck FILLED with items to give away to Redeemed Goods.
I've been having a hard time keeping my eyes on the Cross.
My eyes on Jesus.
On the 'old man' ways.
This is something I wrote in my journal the other day:
"I get mixed up a lot. I see so much of my errors. In raising them (my children). Not only in my parenting but my entire life. Not before You came and made Your home with me but afterwards. When I KNEW better. Choosing instead to walk in the flesh sometimes. I get so angry with myself. Angry with life. Hating it. Life is so precious, a beautiful gift from God and I've thrown it away numerous times."
"After this big pour out of the heart, Asher and I had a blow up. Him swearing because I accused him of freezing the computer up from XBox, me swearing back.(so much for yesterday's post folks:TALK ABOUT CURSING
Him swearing and screaming "kick me out". I tell him he swears at me again, he's out.
Randy complains about moved furniture in the rec room. Doesn't like it. I tell him it's not just his room. I go to bed.
Cry.
Cry and want to die.
Crazy messed up thoughts flowing. A jumbled mess. I sleep."
"I get up and everything is calm. I think of those that take their life. After sleeping instead, they would find..."
In my journal on that page at the very bottom folks, was the inspirational word I had cut out back in September 2011 when I began writing in the journal...
SURPRISES.
Four months after putting it in my journal, here I was sitting in my chair pouring out my heart again to the Lord and I get to the bottom of the page to find this word.
SURPRISES.
Reason why I just wrote:"I get up and everything is calm. I think of those that take their life. After sleeping instead, they would find..." let the inspirational word be part of my sentence!
I finish off with:
"Jesus, I truly need Your help because my mind, the mind of Christ is battling with the flesh of Angie. I am weak but You are strong."
I shared with the ladies at The Sacrificial Diet Face book group that God IS bringing healing in our lives. It reminded me of someone who has Cancer. Your cut open. Disease is taken out. Sometimes parts of you are taken out. You go through Radiation and Chemotherapy.
It makes you sick.
It brings healing though.
So this process of healing I'm going through is making me 'sick', but it is bringing God's healing.
I'm being emptied of 'self'.
And folks, I'm REALLY full of myself so God has a lot of work to do.
Praise be to God that the good work He started in me, He WILL complete.
Glory to God, He will not leave me in this state forever...
Hallelujah!!
5 comments:
Angie, I hear your heart. Not to long ago I started listening to Joesph Prince. His teaching is revolutionizing my inner life. I am being transformed and renewed.
you are rightous now, the wrok was completed on the cross once and for all when Jesus declared ,It is FINISHED. Look on your TV schedule and see if there is a broadcast if not there is a website.
If your husband doesn't like the room why not change it back? It doesn't matter in the eternal scope of things. It will make him feel loved. I am sorry about your son. I am sorry that temper ruled.
I know that struggle.
Memeorize scripture so that you can fight the enemy with the WORD of God. Walk away. Do not fight. Leave the house before you curse your son, just leave take a walk and pray come back calm. you are the mother. God will give you wisdom and direction if you stop and ask. That was how I learned to fight my habit of rage. It is rage. instant out of control anger. We have to deal with our own sin first. There is no reason no justification to behave that way as a parent. I say that because I had to believe it myself to stop, not to be harsh. There is no excuse. The habit can be broken. Deliverence is available because it was finished at the cross. Receive the victory. Just receive.
Wounds, we get wounded and we wound those we love.
But often, healing comes from our wounds. Like when we open up a festering sore, in order to let out poison, so the area can properly heal.
May Jesus, the true HEALER enter this area and do what only HE can do! He'll not only restore, it will be better than ever before.
Love you, Sis!
Dear Angela,
God never said the journey would be easy and without challenge. Having said that, each day we all face life and it's inperfections. Our Lord knows we are going to make mistakes and that we are not perfect. But HE also knows our hearts and sees deep into our thoughts. When we stumble he is there to pick us up and set us on our way again. Most importantly, HE is waiting for us to talk it over with him showing we trust HIS truth. Then when we just take the time to listen, we will hear the answers in our hearts.
Prayers for you sweet sister.
XO Celestina Marie
Such a beautiful, heart felt post.
We are all so full of ourselves. I guess that's why Paul said, "I die DAILY". Our own desires creep back in on a daily basis, so we have to continually examine ourselves and be more like Paul and die to our own ways so we can live in God's peace.
What a great "old man ways" piece here Angela. Evidently the "surprise" was that all was okay after all. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Post a Comment